I’ve Got Thick Skin & An Elastic Heart

But your blade it might be too sharp

I am going to tackle this once and only this once, because I cannot hold on to it. I need to get it out and let these feelings go.

Yes, I know that my ex-husband is engaged. No, I did not find out through social media. He texted me to let me know. Yes, I do have feelings about it.

I’m not sad or hurt, I am angry and mad. There are things going on with one of our daughters and this is going to add to it. It’s his life and I am sincerely glad that he is happy. But, it’s barely been 16 months since he left and 2 weeks shy of a year since our divorce was finalized. Zoey and Itza have been rolling with the flow and seem to have integrated into our new life very well. However, Sophia has not. She is having a tough time with the relationship she has with her dad. There are feelings and emotions that only he can truly mend and repair.

My children have always been my number one priority and when one of them is struggling, I struggle with them. I try to help as best I can, but in this instance all I can do is love her harder and continue to keep her life in our home loving, comfortable, and safe. I know that she will come around eventually. But, until that happens, until she is whole again and in a place of total comfort, I will be focusing on her and making sure all three girls know how loved and cherished they are.

My feelings are all jumbled right now and it will take me a while to sort and untangle. I am not a perfect person. I wish I could be completely unaffected. I have to listen to my own advice - take a deep breath and let go of what I cannot control.

I have so much to be grateful for, so many blessings have been given to me. When I think back to the day he left and walked out of the home and the life we built over 11 years…I was broken and scared. I am not that woman anymore. I had become so dependent on him in so many ways. I have become a better person and I continue to grow and learn every single day.

We are a week out from Christmas and this holiday season will be a good one. The girls are going to love their presents! I get to spend the first week of my holiday break with my love just relaxing and being couch potatoes together. Then I will ring in the new year with the girls and spending all the quality time I can with them.

I hope everyone’s holiday is wonderful and filled with lots of love.