This Chapter is Called HOT MESS EXPRESS

It’s been four months since my last blog post. What is happening?

• I’m addicted to the strawberry acai lemonade refresher and cheese Danish from Starbucks.

• I’ve been with my amazingly patient and wonderful boyfriend for six months.

• I moved departments at work (from theatre to music).

• I just had the last birthday party of the season. I am not kidding when I tell you that I have spent $1200 for 3 birthday parties in the last three months. All three girls wanted their party at Urban Air.

• I am still tired.

• I am still angry.

• I am still making ends meet to get the girls and I through the months without them noticing how much I am struggling.

I am a proud person and it is very hard for me to ask for help. But, this morning, after having a very serious and deep conversation with my boyfriend, I asked him for help. It makes me feel like a failure because I feel like I can’t provide for the girls 100% on my own, by myself. I wish I could see myself through his eyes, maybe then I would give myself more grace and quit being so hard on myself. But, I know this is just a chapter and not the whole story and just like any other ol’ chapter this one will have it’s ending and a new one will begin. What is most important to me is that the girls are happy and have all that they need. They have a roof over their head, food in their bellies, clothes and shoes to wear, and they get all the love and hugs their hearts desire.

Things won’t always be this hard. I need to stay grounded and breathe.